A Sick Feeling

I don't know if it's just the anticipation of all six of us leaving for a family trip in ten hours or what, but I can't sleep and really all I can think about is Jonah. I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that he won't be coming home. I pray with all my heart that this isn't true, but I can't help but think it is. I've sort of been mentally preparing myself for this for a while now, but I just started asking myself a few minutes ago, how are we going to tell the boys? How do you explain to a 7- and 5-year old that there's a child who has no family and that this child, whom we all love so much already, will never be a part of ours? He's already their brother in their hearts. God, help us.

Please Give

If you are like me, you want to help the people of Haiti but aren't sure how. God has told me and Brad that we need to give sacrificially, until it hurts and makes us nervous. If you are looking for a place to donate and feel confident that the money will be well-spent, please visit our church's website, http://www.slwchurch.org/. Our church is directly involved with a church and orphange in Haiti. 100% of your donation will be used directly for the people of Haiti.

My heart is broken for these people, especially the children. Let's do everything we can to help them. All day I've been thinking, but for the grace of God, there go I. There is no difference between me and the people of Haiti, save for the fact that God chose for me to be born in this country, not that one.

Distressing

So, some adoptive families from our agency have been told untruths by an agency representative about their impending adoptions. I shared with my Bible study friends this morning that I am no longer confident that this adoption is going to happen at all. I've emailed the agency and gotten no response, so far, and I am not surprised by this. This is very, very distressing.

For some reason, the doxology from one of our former churches is going through my head as I type this. Here it is: "Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him, all creatures here below. Praise Him above, ye heavenly host. Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen."

And I am holding tight to this: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11 I am standing on this scripture, both for us and for Jonah Nahom.

In the midst of my worry, I am choosing to praise God. I am praising Him because He created me, my husband, my current children, and my future children. "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

The truth is, the only real place for me to put my hope is in Christ, and Christ alone. This agency may fail me. The people around me will fail me. I will be disappointed over and over again during my lifetime. I will hurt the people I love. But there is hope in Christ.

Psalm 121:1-2

I lift up my eyes to the hills-
where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

There's a song based on these verses and I've been thinking about it off and on throughout the day. It goes something like this:

I lift my eyes up, up to the mountains
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from you,
Maker of Heaven,
Creator of the earth.
Oh, how I need you, Lord,
You are my only hope,
You are my only prayer.
So, I will wait for you
To come and rescue me
To come and give me life.


Thanks for reading. I'm sorry for rambling. I don't really know what to think or say, so I'm just getting my thoughts on paper, so to speak. God truly does know what is going to happen and I am trusting in Him.

Nothing

For those of you who might be checking, we've heard nothing about our impending adoption of Jonah Nahom. It's very disheartening. On the positive side, there are families whose children were considered not paper-ready who now have courtdates in the next few weeks. So, there is movement, just not for us, apparently.